Today was a tough day – sometimes things just don’t go your way. Sometimes, you try so hard to make something happen for you, ANYTHING happen for you. Lately, I’ve been working in my own strength. I’ve been working with the mentality of “I got this, I don’t need anyone.” Well, as humbling as it can be when got smacks you with truth, it still stinks. It stinks not knowing what’s happening ahead. It stinks feeling like everyone is letting you down and the world is against you. It is absolutely heart wrenching seeing people being taken advantage of, or for granted. It can be infuriating trying to make yourself happy.
Lately, I’ve been seeking happiness where ever I can get it. My blog, my friends, family – God reminded me that my happiness cannot come from anyone but him. I am happy leading worship. I am happy feeling absolutely inadequate in worship because I am not alone. It’s the only time when for a few moments everything in the world stops, and all is well. My soul is happy, content, at peace.
Why can’t I catch a break? Oh how fast that statement comes from my lips lately. Why can’t I catch a break? Really Leanne? Maybe you aren’t actually taking time for a break. Maybe your plan sucks and you should realize that already. Yes, I’ve been burned these last few weeks. I’ve felt absolutely pushed to the side like I don’t matter. God has really been working on me to wake up – smell the roses, find the happy. It didn’t hit me until the other day while talking to my sweet friend Jessy.
This girl is one of the most positive people I know, I envy her. I admire how she rolls with life. I don’t do that, I’m a planner and when things don’t go according to my plan I freak out. She always gives me an unconditional, gentle reminder that I am going to be just fine. It’s a season of life, I am supposed to go through this. She reminds me to find what makes me happy, what adds sparkle to my day. This blog sure does, my adorable nephew does, a sunset, singing. I copied a post of hers; buying fresh flowers every few weeks. Flowers make my heart happy. Step by step, things will come through the way they are supposed to.
Today, I choose to be happy. Is this my dream job? Absolutely not. Do I like it? No BUT I love my coworkers. Is this my future home? No. Am I here for now? Yes. Do I have the best friends ever? Yes, they support me and know me. They know my life, struggles and triumphs. They love me unconditionally and bring so much sparkle to my life.
For that, I will always be thankful.